Birthday Jokes

Birthdays have inspired some of the funniest birthday jokes, quotes and sayings. So, sit back and get ready to read some of the funniest birthday jokes around.

Q: What do you give 900-pound gorilla for his birthday?
A: I don't know, but you'd better hope he likes it!

Here's another one of those great birthday jokes:

When I was a child my family was so poor that the only thing I got on my birthday was a year older.

It's my wife's birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present. "Oh, I don't know", she said. "Just give me something with diamonds". That's why I'm giving her a pack of playing cards.

If there are 23 people in a room, there's a 50% chance that two of them will share a birthday (it's been proven mathematically).

What did George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common? They were all born on holidays.

Here's another one of those great birthday jokes:

A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said, "I'd love to be ten again." On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning. Then the were off to a movie theater where they ate popcorn and sweets and drank Cola. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.

Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"

Q. What was the average age of a cave man?
A. Stone Age!

Q. What goes up and never comes down?
A. Your age!

Q. What party game do rabbits like to play?
A. Musical Hares!

Q. What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday?
A. Thanks. I'll never part with it!

Growing old is inevitable. Growing up is optional.

It's not about age, it's about attitude.

Here's another one of those great birthday jokes:

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

A well adjusted woman is one who not only knows what she wants for her birthday, but even knows what she's going to exchange it for.

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. - Lucille Ball

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. - Jennifer Yane

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. - Robert Frost

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.

A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip!

You were born an original. Don't die a copy. - John Mason

Fred: I was going to buy you a handkerchief for your birthday.
Harry: That was a kind thought. But why didn't you?
Fred: I couldn't find one big enough for your nose.

When is your birthday?
17th January.
What year?
Every year!

Here are some more great birthday jokes:

Grandma, is it exciting being 99?
It certainly is! If I wasn't 99 I'd be dead.

Why couldn't prehistoric man send birthday cards?
The stamps kept falling off the rocks!

Where do you find a birthday present for a cat?
In a cat-alogue!

Why did the boy put candles on the toilet?
He wanted to have a birthday potty!

Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!

What does a clam do on his birthday?
He shellabrates!

"Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake."
Next time, take off the candles."

Here are some more great birthday jokes:

Where would you learn to make ice cream?
At sundae school.

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. - Bob Hope

What is the left side of a birthday cake?
The side that's not eaten.

Q. Does a pink candle burn longer than a blue one?
A. No, they both burn shorter!

Q. Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
A. Because it was feeling crumby!

Q. What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
A. Angel food cake!

What did one candle say to the other?
"Don't birthdays burn you up?"

Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!

Did you hear about the time Eddy's sister tried to make a birthday cake? The candles melted in the oven.