Tuesday, July 7, 2009

50 Funny Rude Jokes

Funny Rude Joke 1
Why can’t Miss Piggy count to 70?
Because she gets a frog in her throat at 69.

Funny Rude Joke 2
Why can’t scientists find a cure for AIDS?
They can’t get the laboratory mice to arse fuck.

Funny Rude Joke 3
Why can’t women read maps?
Because only the male mind can comprehend the concept of 1 inch equals a mile.

Funny Rude Joke 4
Why did dinosaurs have sex under water?
You try to keep five hundred pounds of pussy wet!

Funny Rude Joke 5
Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
He heard the snow blower coming.

Funny Rude Joke 6
Why did god create Adam before he created eve?
Because he didn’t want anyone telling him how to make Adam.

Funny Rude Joke 7
Why did God create alcohol?
So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.

Funny Rude Joke 8
Why did god give men penises?
So they’d always have at least one way to shut a woman up!

Funny Rude Joke 9
Why did God invent yeast infection?
So women know what it feels like to live with an annoying cunt.

Funny Rude Joke 10
why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend on the wall?
To see her crack

Funny Rude Joke 11
Why did Raggedy Anne get thrown out of the toy box?
Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio’s face moaning, “Lie to me!”

Funny Rude Joke 12
Why did the Avon lady walk funny?
Her lipstick

Funny Rude Joke 13
Why did the boy fall off the swing?
He didn’t have any arms.

Funny Rude Joke 14
Why did the gay guy think his lover was cheating on him?
He came home shit faced.

Funny Rude Joke 15
Why did the gay man take two aspirin with his Viagra?
So sex wouldn’t be such a pain in the arse.

Funny Rude Joke 16
Why did the lumber truck stop?
To let the lumber jack off.

Funny Rude Joke 17
Why did the woman cross the road?
Never mind that, what the fuck is she doing out of the kitchen?

Funny Rude Joke 18
Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable?
She wanted to mount the horse her way.

Funny Rude Joke 19
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

Funny Rude Joke 20
Why do bunnies have soft sex?
They have cotton balls

Funny Rude Joke 21
Why do female skydivers wear jock straps?
So they don’t whistle on the way down.

Funny Rude Joke 22
Why do horny women order at Subway?

Funny Rude Joke 23
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Funny Rude Joke 24
Why do men pay more for car insurance?
Women don’t get blow jobs while they’re driving

Funny Rude Joke 25
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls!

Funny Rude Joke 26
Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week?
Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week!

Funny Rude Joke 27
Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow?
So, when you pull their tits they won’t shit on the floor.

Funny Rude Joke 28
Why do women have arms?
Have you any idea how long it would take to LICK a bathroom clean?

Funny Rude Joke 29
Why do women have small feet?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Funny Rude Joke 30
Why do women have two holes so close together?
In case you miss.

Funny Rude Joke 31
Why do women pierce their bellybutton?
Place to hang their air freshener.

Funny Rude Joke 32
Why do women stop bleeding when entering the menopause ?
Because they need all the blood for their varicose veins !

Funny Rude Joke 33
Why do women wear black underwear?
They are mourning for the stiff they buried the night before.

Funny Rude Joke 34
Why does a bride smile when she’s walking down the aisle?
She knows she’s given her last blow job.

Funny Rude Joke 35
Why does a dog lick its penis?
Because it can’t make a fist.

Funny Rude Joke 36
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg?
They don’t stop for directions.

Funny Rude Joke 37
Why does it take longer to build a blond snowman?
Because you have to hollow the head out.

Funny Rude Joke 38
Why doesn’t Smokey the bear have any kids?
Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.

Funny Rude Joke 39
Why don’t Canadians have group sex?
Too many thank-you letters to write afterwards.

Funny Rude Joke 40
Why don’t little girls fart?
Because they don’t get assholes until they’re married.

Funny Rude Joke 41
Why don’t men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.

Funny Rude Joke 42
Why don’t witches wear panties when flying on their broomsticks?
Better traction.

Funny Rude Joke 43
Why don’t women wear watches?
There’s a clock on the stove!

Funny Rude Joke 44
Why haven’t they sent a woman to the moon yet?
It doesn’t need cleaning.

Funny Rude Joke 45
Why is a Laundromat a bad place for a guy to pick up women?
Women who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

Funny Rude Joke 46
Why is a woman’s pussy like a warm toilet seat?
They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.

Funny Rude Joke 47
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
They already have boyfriends.

Funny Rude Joke 48
Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
When it’s time to go back to his childhood, he’s already there.

Funny Rude Joke 49
Why is the space between a woman’s breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

Funny Rude Joke 50
Why was Tigger’s head in the toilet?
He was looking for pooh!